Two brothers from Peckham have appeared at Marylebone Magistrates Court today, charged with fly-pitching imported and unregulated fake Covid-19 vaccine in Oxford Street earlier this week.

Derek and Rodney Trotter, of Nelson Mandela House, were arrested on Wednesday after selling the DIY product, Zapp 19, for £50.00 a bottle. When pleading their innocence to the court, the elder brother, Derek, said: ‘What can’t speak can’t lie, my son. This is the pukka stuff shipped direct from the U S of A by none other than the Trump Corporation.’

‘Listen pal, what’s in this little bottle will see anything off, and if you’ve got any left over after treating yourself and the missus, bung it down the khazi and it will bring the bowl up gleaming and good as noo. Mais oui, your lordship, mais oui.’

Fining the pair £100 each plus costs, Col. Aubrey Buckshot, Chairman of The Bench, commented: ‘This was nothing more than wanton opportunism by a pair of ne’er-do-wells, and it’s only because they fixed me up with a nice little Vauxhall Velox for my wife, Daphne, and a Russian video camera also, that on this occasion I am treating them with leniency.’