Nigel Farage is said to be cock-a-hoop today, because according to him, we are now allowed to wish one another “A Happy New year” throughout all of January if we so wish.

Inexplicably appearing on Radio 2’s Jeremy Vine programme for the seventy-fifth time this year and spouting his trademark brand of utterly fabricated xenophobic bollocks, designed to please brainless morons, the unelected dunderhead said: ‘It’s fantastic news. No more desk johnnies in Brussels telling us that we can’t wish each other a happy new year beyond the 4th of January.’

‘Goodbye to forty-seven years of this kind of bureaucratic meddling in our affairs. It’s been fundamentally un-british and thank God now it’s finished.’

When it was pointed out no such European Directive has ever existed, Mr Farage replied: ‘You bleeding heart lefty Guardian-reading media types are all the same. You’re in denial. You lost, we won, get over it.’

‘What next? I expect you’ll be telling us that the bravest man there’s ever been in US politics, Donald Trump, didn’t have last month’s election stolen from him by Biden.’