It has been announced that from today all roads in central London will operate a strict 0 mph speed limit.

Spokesman for TFL William Ray told reporters: “We have seen fines revenue dropping significantly as more motorists have become used to adhering to the 30 mph limit. There was some call to reduce that to 20 mph but in the end we decided to go the whole hog.”

“So from today anyone found driving any motor vehicle that moves at all, no matter if it’s only even 0.5 mph they will be photographed by forty different cameras and receive a summons in their email within five seconds.”

When it was put to Mr Ray that once again the motorist was being used as a cash cow to raise stealth taxes for the government to piss up the wall on mad schemes like HS2, he was quick to deny the allegation.

“Not at all. This is purely driven by safety first and foremost. It may interest you to know that if a car runs over a pedestrian’s head, even if it’s going at a snail’s pace then death will be inevitable, wheres 100% of people who don’t get struck by a moving motor vehicle come to no harm whatsoever.”

Reacting to the news that should the scheme prove to be successful then it will be rolled out to other major cities Jeremy Clarkson said: “Bollocks to that. It won’t make any difference. Traffic in Central London has been totally gridlocked since 1988.”