Downing Street has sent out a communication to newspaper and media outlets today, demanding that in future all journalists and reporters invited to photo-opportunities are to dress up as car assembly line workers, doctors and fire fighters etc. so as not to make their presence obvious to anyone seeking to confront the Prime Minister.

The request comes after Boris Johnson once again made himself look like a complete clown, when in full glare of cameras, he claimed there were no press present at an obviously stage-managed hospital visit, despite there being a sizeable media posse in attendance.

No. 10 Director of Publicity explained: ‘The PM has had a long history of making himself look like an absolute idiot. The canal fall, the zip wire shambles and then flattening the Japanese kid with a rugby tackle, not to mention the Brexit Bus. We are trying to cast him in the role of latter-day Churchillian statesman but he keeps screwing up so we need to be, how can I put it, somewhat more circumspect in our planning.’

When Mr Johnson was asked about the No. 10 directive he said: ‘Stage-managed visits? Invited reporters? Being confronted by the angry father of a sick child about the NHS having been destroyed? That didn’t happen.’