At his first world summit as Prime Minister, Boris Johnson has already left Britain and America’s special relationship heavily strained and earned himself the new nickname of Billy Bunter.
Problems began as soon as the G7 Leaders assembled for coffee and pastries, when Mr Johnson swiped a tray of Pain au Chocolat and Pain au Raisins, sat in a corner and then flatly refused to share them with anyone else.
The US President and other world leaders looked on in amazement as Boris scoffed the lot leaving only a sea of flaky crumbs all over his waistcoat. The impromptu display of gluttony meant that Trump missed out and had to make do with one single minuscule petit four.
Things then went from bad to worse when everyone took their seats in the conference room where Boris promptly fell asleep as Mr Trump gave a PowerPoint presentation on how he had made America great again.
A clearly angry Emanuel Macron commented after the session finished for the day: ‘Boris eez a propeur piggy-faced greedy-goots, ooh is only waking up to eat all les imperials de menthe et tout les ‘obnobs sur la table de négociation.
When accused of breaking diplomatic protocol a petulant Johnson was defiant: ‘Beasts! I ever ate all the grub no matter old Froggy says. Never did! Never did! Never did. So yah-boo sucks to him!’
Later a more reflective Mr Johnson commented: ‘This rather splendid hotel reminds me of my old school, Eton, when one often waited for a hamper from dear old Mater and Pater. So, by Jove, one learnt quickly that when another chap had some tuck in his study then a fellow had to make hay when the sun was shining.’
‘Oh, and I say by the way, can one of you perhaps lend me ten bob until my postal order comes on Wednesday?’