Tory MP Jacob Rees-Mogg has welcomed Nissan’s announcement not to go ahead with production of their X Trail SUV at its Sunderland plant, arguing contrary to reports that it’s bad news, it is in fact a splendid opportunity to produce a new world-beating range of horseless carriages for the populace.
The Right Honourable Member of Parliament for The Dark Ages told reporters: ‘Here is an opportunity to create a new Hackney Carriage and indeed mayhap a range of coaches for recreational purposes. Such a vehicle with truly innovative features like the 6-Urchin Power Drive Propulsion System would be become without a shadow of a doubt a most sought-after thing.’
When asked by motoring press to elaborate on the technicalities Mr Rees-Mogg said: ‘In my view 6-Urchin power could be realised by having a box builded ‘pon th’underside of the coach with sufficient room to accommodate one half-dozen small snot-nosed children and some kind of patented multi-pedal contraption.’
‘Indeed a Sport Model could also be offered, whereby with a system of levers, pulleys and cogs, the coachman could activate a row of riding crops to smite the children and encourage them to redouble their efforts thus creating the extra, what I believe is known in the business, as ‘grunt’.
‘Perhaps the aforementioned urchins might be drawn from the ever-increasing pool of Sweeps’ Boys invalided out of their own industry with conditions such as emphysema and the like. Once returned to gainful employment they would then no longer be a drain on our most excellent poorhouses.’