Beardy cosmic ordering barmpot, Noel Edmonds, is rumoured to have been in talks with The BBC to recommission the 1990s Saturday evening prime time entertainment juggernaut, Noel’s House Party.

Wearing one of his trademark gaudy shirts and speaking to The Radio Times about his previous pot-luck guessing game, Deal or no Deal, goatee-toting Edmonds complained: ‘I’m fed up with those two little Geordie fellas getting away with unadulterated plagiarism on their Saturday Night Takeaway. It’s a blatant rip-off of House Party so why shouldn’t I claim all that adulation and those awards back for myself. It was I, Noel Edmonds, who invented the genre and it was only my smugness and megalomania that saw me dropped.’

Noel’s erstwhile partner on House Party, Mr Blobby, clearly excited by the prospect of getting back on the box told BBC Breakfast’s Charlie Stayt, “Blobby, blobby blobby! Wheeeeee! blobby!” Before overturning the red sofa and a coffee table and then trying to goose Louise Minchin live on air.

Meanwhile during a charity sporting event last night when asked by reporters what he thought about the news, former England Rugby Union Team Captain, Will Carling snapped: ‘If I ever see that stupid rubbery tosser again he’d better look out because if I get my hands on the bastard I’ll fucking chin him!’