It’s been announced that Sir Kenneth Branagh and his Hercule Poirot mustache have split amicably and by mutual consent.

The mustache told Mark Kermode: ‘It was always really a marriage of convenience as far as I was concerned. I was fresh out of Wig School and finding my way in the cinematic face-furniture business and Ken wanted an arresting facial ‘wow factor’ for his portrayal of Poirot, so us forming a partnership just seemed perfect. And no, I certainly don’t regret our time together… actually it’s all very amicable between us. We’re still best of friends.’

The fabulous fuzz went on to add: ‘The experience has given me the profile I was seeking to be able to go on to bigger and better things and I have learnt such a lot in our time together. And who knows, if there’s an Orient Express sequel then neither of us has ruled out reprising the relationship.’

Sir Ken has been keeping a low profile since the news broke but released the following statement on his website. I can confirm that the rumours are true and that me and my Poirot mustache have gone our separate ways. We had some great times together and I wish it well in all its future endeavours. I’m pleased to have been able to play some small part in launching a new star in the business.